Life took another turn, but this one I can say is good. I became an aunt on the 26th of May and at first I was scared shit less to hold her. I have since then shed my paranoia and am holding and burping and all that jazz, but enough about the baby.
The thing that has been weighing on me the last couple of weeks is my Chardonnay. I am making a wooded and un-wooded, well I thought I was until last week. The tank just didn't want to finish alcoholic fermentation and went through MLF instead. I am so disappointed in myself for not catching it, but if I had stopped the MLF I would have stopped the AF too. Now I can sell it off, but I wanted to make this wine for the owners, they really like an un-wooded chard. At least I have the wooded chard that is still looking good, I just PRAY TO GOD nothing else goes wrong. I am busy with the SBlanc of ours as well. Getting ready to put that in bottle. The one question I am at the moment fed up of hearing is, "when can we taste your first wine?" And it doesn't matter if I told them last week that I'm only bottling in August, they will still as me this week again. I wish I could just be mean and tell people off and for them to leave me alone, but I will never, I know myself. I think that if I show irritation that it all will come crashing down and I will be one colossal failure and everybody will be there to see it.
That's the other thing bringing me down a bit, well making me more nervous. The owners keep telling me how great and wonderful I am, but I think they are off their rocker. How can I get that great and get all this praise. I have yet to prove myself and I don't want to fail them or the farm. I feel like they...... like they expect too much. But I have heard them tell me repeatedly, "No pressure!" They don't mean to put me under pressure, but in all respect I am still a child and wet behind the ear and I will make mistakes and fuck up. I just hope they will be behind me three years down the line when money really starts to matter. I just hope I don't let them down and myself down.
dilemma
