The Chardonnay dilemma

Life took another turn, but this one I can say is good. I became an aunt on the 26th of May and at first I was scared shit less to hold her. I have since then shed my paranoia and am holding and burping and all that jazz, but enough about the baby.

The thing that has been weighing on me the last couple of weeks is my Chardonnay. I am making a wooded and un-wooded, well I thought I was until last week. The tank just didn't want to finish alcoholic fermentation and went through MLF instead. I am so disappointed in myself for not catching it, but if I had stopped the MLF I would have stopped the AF too. Now I can sell it off, but I wanted to make this wine for the owners, they really like an un-wooded chard. At least I have the wooded chard that is still looking good, I just PRAY TO GOD nothing else goes wrong. I am busy with the SBlanc of ours as well. Getting ready to put that in bottle. The one question I am at the moment fed up of hearing is, "when can we taste your first wine?" And it doesn't matter if I told them last week that I'm only bottling in August, they will still as me this week again. I wish I could just be mean and tell people off and for them to leave me alone, but I will never, I know myself. I think that if I show irritation that it all will come crashing down and I will be one colossal failure and everybody will be there to see it.

That's the other thing bringing me down a bit, well making me more nervous. The owners keep telling me how great and wonderful I am, but I think they are off their rocker. How can I get that great and get all this praise. I have yet to prove myself and I don't want to fail them or the farm. I feel like they...... like they expect too much. But I have heard them tell me repeatedly, "No pressure!" They don't mean to put me under pressure, but in all respect I am still a child and wet behind the ear and I will make mistakes and fuck up. I just hope they will be behind me three years down the line when money really starts to matter. I just hope I don't let them down and myself down.

dilemma

USA again!

Looks like I will be going to the United States again. This time I'll be going to the beautiful Oregon wine region, to a winery named Adelsheim. I am still working for 7 Springs, in fact we will be bottling our first wines at the beginning of August. It's beyond what I had expected my life to be like at this point of time. I sometimes have to stop and just take a breath. I blinked and now I am a winemaker on my way. All I know for sure is that I did not get here by myself. I have so many people to thank, that held my hand, pushed me and taught me.

I think I get it now

I was recently at a wedding, and it was the first time, whilst being at this joyous occasion that I, myself was not overjoyed for the happy couple. Some things in the past just marred the whole event and as they said their vows I said a prayer. I usually believe that the people saying, 'till death us do part' , are happy and should be together. This time I wasn't completely convinced they were ready for this commitment. I have gone through so much in my life, seeing the things I have; the pills, drugs, attempted suicides, anger, rage. I still had this naive notion that life could be a happy and carefree and rose coloured thing, that there was something such as a happily ever after. I know the story doesn't end with those words, but I think what contributes to my naivety is that I have never had a serious relationship. I did however get to see some of the "real life" that was very close to disrupting my fairytale dreams, until I realised I wasn't witnessing the mistake of the decade. I saw forgiveness, compromise and hope. I think I get it now, there is no such thing as happiness, just the pursuit of it. Every person should have the right to go for it.

Middle of the month

I am amazed at how little you can actually do with the pay you get, and it's only the middle of the month. Forgetting about the monetary dilemma, I am also plagued by the flu. I am bed-ridden and feeling horrid, but getting some work in there. It is all very quiet, some of the wines are still not done fermenting - it is just dragging on, and I am not yet nervous, but believe me, it's not going to be long before I am on full NERVE ALERT!

Busy looking for a harvest position in Oregon, just so I can get some experience with Pinot noir, haven't had much to do with it previously. The only proper places in SA is where I am currently based and half of our production will be Pinot noir. Closest I got to it, was Pinotage and what I bought in stores.

New Job

So, new job in hand I am very happy. Seven Springs Vineyard is my new home. Onrus is the quiet little town on the coast of South Africa, close to Hermanus. The vineyards are between Hermanus and Caledon. It's beautiful place and the wines are now in the cellar - which is not on the farm yet. We are looking to start building this year. I am working for beautiful people from Warwickshire and hope that this will be a long and lasting relationship. The wines are looking beautiful and am very hopeful for this 2010 vintage.